Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict

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It surveyed over 10,000 people across the world and found that the average age for meeting a best friend was twenty-one. The cultural perception of what a best friend was, and how many one should have, varied across countries. In India, the Middle East and Southeast Asia, people reported having three times the number of best friends as those in Australia, Europe and the US. Saudi Arabians had the highest average number of best friends at 6.6, while Britons had the lowest at 2.6. Americans are most likely to report having only one best friend. Fourteen percent had no best friend at all." From ghosting and frenemies to social media and seismic life events, Elizabeth leaves no stone unturned. I had a bit of a weird moment a couple of years ago that turned out to be quite significant because I've thought about it often since. I walking with my friend Sam around Burnley Gardens. We came across this plaque on a bench overlooking a quiet corner of the gardens - At times I felt annoyed by the writing style, for some reason, it felt try-hard and contrived at times to me. Especially when she was talking about her childhood, it felt like she was forcing together narratives to make a pretty and poetic point. I got that taste throughout the book. Best: Superlative of good. Better than all others. my best friend. : good or useful in the highest degree : most excellent.

Friendship, particularly from a woman's perspective, is a fascinating relationship dynamic and as many of us have, I've been through a journey as I get older on how I value or measure friendship. From ghosting and frenemies to social media and seismic life events, Elizabeth leaves no stone unturned. Friendaholic is the book you buy for the people you love but it's also the book you read to become a better friend to yourself. Then, when a global pandemic hit in 2020, she was one of many who were forced to reassess what friendship really meant to them – with the crisis came a dawning realisation: her truest friends were not always the ones she had been spending most time with. Why was this? Could she rebalance it? Was there such thing as…too many friends? And was she really the friend she thought she was? Don’t miss the opportunity to bring your own best friends or newest acquaintances along to this unforgettable evening of intimate, enlightening and important conversation.WH Auden wrote that “literary confessors are contemptible, like beggars who exhibit their sores for money”. We needn’t ask what he would make of the wellspring of confessional books on offer today, each hawking its own particular brand of self-laceration.

As a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. But what about friendships? Aren't they just as – if not more – important? So why is it hard to find the right words to express what these uniquely complex bonds mean to us? In Confessions of a Friendship Addict, Elizabeth Day embarks on a journey to answer these questions.In other words, we can't choose our family but we can choose our friends. One of Day's close friends grew up in very difficult family circumstances and stated that friendships were vital for her because they provided a way to '...understand that you can be loved in a different way outside of your family.' I spent a lot of my time reading this book and thinking "Yes that happened to me" or "OMG that's me" or "I do/did that", so I feel it's a sign of a good book when so much of it relates or I feel seen.

The book was creatively written, incorporating interviews, anecdotes, ideas, and research. It was thoughtfully done. And Elizabeth Day is pretty entertaining. She was also vulnerable and open with her story. I especially appreciated her chapter about her difficulties having a child. Like most people I’ve had good and bad friendships. Over the years I’ve dropped friends, lost friends, made new friends, and held onto old friends. It can be quite a minefield at times especially as you get older, but also I know what I want from friendships these days, so I suppose it’s a bit easier in some ways.

The read was cathartic and emotively connective, particularly in defining friendship expectations and how difficult it is to sever one that is not serving you. It was also interesting to consider the language ad expectations of friendship and how they don't always align. But the most moving of all was the passages on losing a friend to death and the terrible loss that brings, especially when they feel like a different kind of soul mate. The grief in that chapter was palpable, But, as Day explains in this admirably candid and well-crafted book, there is nothing more soul-sapping than clinging to a friendship with someone just because 20 years earlier you sweated in the same spin class. For some reason, probably to do with your own fear of abandonment, you carry on going through the motions with what Day dubs “White Wine Wednesdays”. Those are the midweek get-togethers (neither of you would dream of giving up a Saturday night to each other) which are somehow never as nice as they should be and leave you feeling down, depleted and as if it is somehow all your fault. She also made all of her friends seem SO perfect. And i get it, they are her friends. But shoot, people have flaws. it's okay to name them. Not all of your friends are the best humans on the planet. And on that note, she was often too self-deprecating for my taste. it was kind of hard to read at times From exploring her own personal friendships and the distinct importance of each of them in her life, to the unique and powerful insights of others across the globe, Elizabeth asks why there isn’t yet a language that can express its crucial influence on our world.

There was nothing in this book that was new to me but I enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on my own friendships. Day notes that most of her lasting friendships were '...sparked not by a shared hobby but by an initial frisson of kindred feeling.' It's the same for me and I always think of the Anne's (of Green Gables) definition of a 'kindred spirit' when I think of my very closest friends.I loved how Day approach this concept, from her early years through to today, and how her friendships (and many of the readers - well certainly me!) have evolved. But it's also sprinkled with a lot of research studies and historical references on this type of relationship in comparison to romantic ones. For level access to the Royal Festival Hall from the Queen Elizabeth Hall Slip Road off Belvedere Road, please use the Southbank Centre Square Doors. The JCB Glass Lift is situated at this entrance and will take you to all floors. All floors are accessible from the main foyer on Level 2. If you need further assistance, our Visitor Assistants are here to help you. The author admits that she never really had hobbies, and I get the sense that she's never explored any subcultures. Her ideas and interests all felt so dang...mainstream and basic. Someone who goes to brunch and drinks mimosas every week with their friends. I feel she would benefit so much from exploring the poly community, or the queer community, or getting deep into a dance form, or nonviolent communication, or something. Subcultures see the world through a totally different lens than the mainstream, and help open one up into freedom of thought. They also offer different avenues of connection. Plus, subcultures are an outlet for community, a topic that was glaringly missing. Day’s own experience provides the scaffolding for the book. A childhood in Northern Ireland, where she was an outsider, had a dearth of friends and suffered bullying, left her with an insatiable need to be liked. So, she began collecting friends. “For me, being bullied made me determined in later life to prove my worth,” she writes. “Becoming successful, having my name in print, being blessed with a wide circle of endless friends: these became inviolable markers of my sense of identity.” Elizabeth explores so much about what constitutes real friendship and why so much of it can be just as deep and rewarding, as well as challenging, as romantic relationships. There are explorations of modern day issues like social media friendships and ghosting, as well as deeper elements like friendships ending due to a bereavement. There are sprinklings of unconnected “Friendship Tapes” from individuals about what friendship means to them that break up each chapter beautifully.