Joined in 2023 
82 
63 About this deal
Del, Rodney, Uncle Albert, Cassandra, her parents and her boss, Stephen, are playing Trivial Pursuit.] Stephen: What is a female swan called? Del: It's a right blinding Christmas this has turned out to be, innit! I mean, some people get wise men bearing gifts; we get a wally with a disease! The Trotter Brothers and Boycie's family are escaping the Mafia in the Florida Everglades.] Boycie: Everything was going well, we were having a lovely holiday... Marlene: (cuts in) Shut up moaning. Boycie: And then THEY (the Trotter brothers) turn up! And within fifteen seconds some sod's shootin' at us! Marlene: You've done nothing but moan ever since we left Washington! Boycie: Get that bloody boat in for God's sake!
Denzil: You want to hear a sob story? I can tell you a sob story. I have just found out that my wife has been lying to me. Rodney: No! Denzil: Yeah. Every morning she says she's going to leave me and, when I come home at night, she's still there. Del and Alan are discussing Rodney and Cassandra's upcoming wedding.] Alan: You don't like those sort of surroundings, do you? I mean, champagne, caviar, country clubs... Del: Oh no, Alan, I hate it, I hate it, all put on. I mean, them people just do things for effect. Rodney: Del Boy, thanks to you, I am now a 26-year-old man who has come second in a skateboarding competition! Del: Second? You was in the lead when I saw you! Rodney: ...I fell off. Rodney has been asked to make a film, and Del is pitching a less-than-brilliant plot idea.] Del: Right, okay, now this is a Jaws-type story. Rodney: Jaws? Jaws has been done though. Del: I know it's been done! But this is different. It's called... " There's a Rhino Loose in the City"!Mike: Listen, I’ve er heard of the Driscoll brothers Del but I’ve never seen them. What do they look like? Boycie: Well one of them looks like he was evicted from The Planet of the Apes Del: Yeah, and the other one reminds me of Cliff Richards Mike: What, he looks er younger than his years? Del: No, he’s got one of those faces that you wanna slap There’ll soon be more: most housing market forecasters are expecting house prices to rise by 20-30% over the next five years. That might be nice for people who have houses but it doesn’t really get them, (or the rest of us) anywhere. Unless you are moving from London and the south-east to the likes of Northumberland or you are able to constantly remortgage, you can’t get any cash out of your house, so its value is entirely meaningless. You can’t eat your house, use it to go on holiday or pay your bills with it. Not if you want to live in it too. That’s why most useful classifications of wealth ask people to ignore the value of their primary home. Albert: I can't swim, Del. Del: You used to be a sailor. Albert: Don't mean a thing. Nelson couldn't swim. Del: Of course he couldn't. He only had one bloody arm. He would have gone around in circles, wouldn't he? Rodney can't go to Australia because of his drug conviction, yet Del is still keen to go without him, much to Rodney's chagrin.] Del: Don't you think I've sacrificed enough for you?! Rodney: Sacrifices? For me? Del: Yes you, when dear Mum, God rest her soul, when she died... Rodney: Don't start again. Del: When she died, who stood by you? Rodney: Yes, I remember that well. I was a little 5-year-old stood in a damp graveyard wondering what the hole in the ground was for, I remember all the other people saying "I wonder what's gonna happen to poor little Rodney?" But I had no need to fear, did I, 'cos suddenly a vision appeared from beyond the silhouette of the gasworks. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Del Boy! Da da da daad! "I, Del Boy, will look after this small waif. I will bring him up in the ways of Del Boy. He will sell iffy watches from old suitcases on street corners. And I will also teach him to drive a three-wheeled van whilst pissed out of his skull!" Del: And I did, didn't I?
Del, Rodney, and Albert are sailing on a boat to Holland, and end up lost in the middle of the North Sea.] Rodney: He's something else ain't he? And what about all the currents they got round here? We could have drifted anywhere by now. Del: Yes, he's right and all ain't he? We're in the middle of the North Sea ain't we? It's got more currents than a hot-cross bun. Del: (when Rodney asks if he's anything like his father, Freddie the Frog) Freddie the Frog was a professional burglar. He was disloyal to his friends. He was a womaniser, a home-breaker, a con-man, a thief, a liar, and a cheat... So no Rodney, you're nothing like him.Fans of this series will know that some of Del Boy’s most memorable quotes are his attempts to display his mastery of the French language. Needless to say, he had no mastery of French, but his attempts at it were very funny. Del: Australia is an awfully long way off, isn't it? Jumbo Mills: They'll love you over there. They've got no class! Pauline: It used to be your mother's room, Rodney, but it's mine now and I don't want to see you in there. Is that understood? Rodney: Jawohl, mein Obergruppenführer! (gives a Nazi salute) Danny: When Tony and me were kids, we was very very poor. Our old man used to work in on of them old mansion houses. He worked from 6 in the morning til 8 at night and what for? A pittance. Tony: A shilling a day and an horseshit sandwich. Danny: One day, there was a robbery at the mansion, and the Bill arrested our old man and there wasn't any evidence was there? Tony: Just finger prints. Danny: Just finger prints. Tony : And eye witnesses. Danny: A Couple of eye witnesses. They found the jewels on him. Tony: It was a plant.
The Russians Are Coming [1.6] [ edit ] Del: I'm not a ruthless mercenary. Who is it that goes around the estate every Christmas time, making sure all the old people have got enough to eat and drink? Rodney: Yeah, and who was it, during the Brixton riot, that drove down in the van, selling paving stones to the rioters? I mean, what did you think they were going to do with them, eh? All run off home and start building patios? Del: Mine is not to reason why, mine is to sell and buy. Del and Raquel smile lovingly at each other and embrace] Rodney: You know what that means, Albert? Uncle Albert: No. Rodney: Well, either Raquel's pregnant or Del's pissed. Del: (after finding out that his father faked an illness) They ran his name through the computer but they didn't have a patient called Trotter. But they did have a porter called Trotter. He left two weeks ago with 57 blankets, 133 pair of rubber gloves and the chief gynaecologist's Lambretta!! The definition of entrepreneur is: “A person who sets up a business or businesses, taking on financial risks in the hope of profit.”Del: (to Rodney, in the Monte Carlo Club) I've heard your line of patter my son. If they don't know Adam Ant's birthday or the Chelsea result it's goodnight Vienna, innit? The shed door opens, and Del emerges, dressed in an old-fashioned diving suit, complete with a big helmet. Trigger and Denzil stare at him.] Del: [enthusiastically] Lovely jubbly! After Del has said he can see the baby's head] Rodney: Is it... normal? Del: What do you mean, normal? Rodney: No... numbers or anything? Del: What do you think this is? A bloody raffle? Rodney is not impressed by Pauline.] Del: You don't have romantic feelings, you. You just have animal urges. Sometimes I think you've learned the art of seduction by watching Wildlife on One.
Del has entered a clay pigeon shoot with a sawn off shotgun at Lady Victoria's house.] Rodney: Oi! Where'd you get that gun? Del: Iggy Higgins. Rodney: Iggy Higgins robs banks. Del: Yeah I know but it's Saturday, innit. Trigger: There's nothing to be nervous about, Denzil. All you've gotta do is go in there and tell the truth. Denzil: Trigger, if I go in there and tell the truth, Del and Rodney'll spend the next five years sharpening Jeffrey Archer's pencils! Asking a Trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers is like asking Mr Kipling if he knows anything about cakes.
This is all told in the spirit of gentle, amiable conversation, but is often charming without being hilarious, without a strong sense of purpose. Irene: You'd better tell me your name, it'll get a bit embarrasing if I have to call you "Thingy" all night! Rodney: My name's Rodney. Irene: Irene. Rodney: No, Rodney.
Related:
Great Deal 
New Comment