Death of a Son

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When a child's illness is long, arduous, and filled with chronic crises, parents may develop unusual coping skills to sustain themselves and their family over many months and years or they may become worn down and depleted emotionally and financially by the entire process. Across studies, mothers consistently report more intense and prolonged grief reactions than fathers except for the area of denial where fathers report greater denial in the immediate aftermath [ 84]. Parents assert that their grief continues throughout their lives, often saying, “It gets different, it doesn't get better. Moved by that blink-and-miss, matter-of-fact image towards the end, of a couple triumphing in their pursuit of justice following their son's manslaughter in a living room devoid of furniture — sold off to pay a private prosecution.

Family and friends often do not know how to respond and therefore withdraw, inadvertently creating a “conspiracy of silence. Children’s reactions will vary enormously depending on their age, their intellectual ability, their relationship with the person who died, how other family members are responding and the culture and society in which they live.

Although it is tempting to just shut down, it is important to keep the lines of communication open and spend quality time together. Be empathetic and be honest with children of all ages, but make sure to be especially clear with young children and do not include euphemisms. Narrated in the first person by an unnamed woman (mother) the reader realises from the beginning of the story that Ndebele may be exploring the theme of grief.

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Facilitating communication and understanding between parents and their children about these often unacknowledged dilemmas and management of family communication during terminal illness and after death is an important component of intervention efforts.