Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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Tracy Schorn, a chump who was cheated on leads fellow chumps on a brilliant journey of understanding the world of cheaters and what to do next. I think you should probably have been taking active steps long ago to assume control of your life and leave someone who obviously has no interest in loving you or keeping his marriage. I am eternally grateful to Tracy Schorn for clearly and thoroughly relating her insights and experiences. It presents itself as self help but having read it I personally think this book would be better suited as a stand-up comedy routine in an off-beat night club.

I am certainly not her target audience, but I have never been able to relate to the Chump Lady because she puts everyone who had an affair into one big narcissistic, sex-seeking pile. She does a genius job of analyzing what cheaters are and how the “chumps” can survive their horrible crisis and move on. Nor do I believe that the betrayed partner (the victim) should be the focus of whatever vulnerabilities have developed in the cheater's life. Cheaters are portrayed in popular culture "as tortured protagonists, sexy taboo breakers compelled by forces greater than themselves to love the forbidden other. The decision of a lower income Chump to follow this advice could lead to tremendous hardship and stress.the anxiety/fear just gets pushed down submerged its like pushing a beach ball under water it only stays submerged temporarily. But of there is any doubt about just leaving, then know it will be super hard work (on both sides), but if you're looking for something other than a reaction to something that happened to you, then reconciliation may be up for you. If you let this pain crack open your heart and you accept the vulnerability and chaos, you’re going to be a better person for it. I’ll just repeat my message below, if you know anyone who gets betrayed, get this for them immediately. Plus I laughed through most of this book, and by that I mean _with_ the author about my cheating clown of a husband, not _at_ the author as was the case with books by Laura Doyle, Hendrix and Hunt, and Gottman.

The author’s empowering message mixed with a good dose of humor would be a welcome relief to anyone who feels trapped and alone. The author uses an intense take-no-prisoners linguistic style and some readers will find that strategy appealing.And that's why I'm putting this out there - even if you're not sure what your next move should be when your heart has been broken, this is a much needed counterweight to the "forgive and forget, because it was probably your fault" narrative so many resources and counsellors put out there. In the two years since reading the original version, I have finished my master’s degree, started and finished a human resources certificate, transferred to a position that is closer to home and far less stressful, improved my credit, traded in my 2001 beater car with 176K miles on it for a new 2016 Toyota Corolla without any cosigning or financial help from anyone, participated in a theology seminar wherein someone actually paid me to fly out to California and do theology for two weeks (it was amazing), lined up a peer-reviewed article to publish, and had a septorhinoplasty that fixed my crooked nose along with my breathing. So not only are you suffering the pain of your spouses initial issues and their affair you now are on defensive about your own behavior because obviously you indirectly caused your spouses infidelity. I can't possibly bring across the power of CL's words to bear in a short Goodreads review, but I will say that her site got me out of the "I will just quietly absorb all the garbage you throw at me forever and brute-force love you so hard and someday like in the movies you'll 'realize' what you've done and finally change" mind set (ugh, I know) and into the "If the same thing were happening to my best friend, would I even remotely urge her to continue putting up with it? Full of solid advice that champions self-respect, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity.

I both agree and disagree with this, but I put it in the “agreement” list because these reactions (“attempting” remorse or ignoring it) are probably most typical, especially if the affair was recently discovered.The involved spouse must be committed to change and the injured spouse may join them in building a renewed marriage IF THEY WANT TO and if the genuine work of rebuilding trust has been done.