It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

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TA was developed by Canadian-born US psychiatrist Eric Berne during the late 1950s. TA is designed to increase the communication effectiveness of individuals: just as we can make a financial transaction, TA examines the social transactions we make with one another on a daily basis.The concepts are a combination of Rogerian and Freudian personality theories. This is a relatively rare position, but perhaps occurs where people unsuccessfully try to project their bad objects onto others. As a result, they remain feeling bad whilst also perceive others as bad.This position could also be a result of relationships with dominant others where the other people are viewed with a sense of betrayal and retribution. This may later get generalized from the bullies to all others people. More information and further reading Exposed to all that is lost, she sings with a stray girl who is also herself, her amulet. ALEJANDRA PIZARNIK For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. CARL SAGAN

Join me for a thoughtful conversation with Megan Devine: best-selling author, psychotherapist, and grief advocate. With over 20 years in the field - and deep personal experience of grief - she is the go-to authority for grievers, supporters, and industry professionals. Her pioneering work provides a professional, inclusive, and realistic approach to grief, one that goes beyond pathology-based, reductive models. If you’re currently feeling the deep pain of loss or are looking for ways to support someone who is, this episode is for you. We unconsciously choose our feelings: no-one makes us feel anything. Once we consciously consider our feelings, we can make a conscious choice: to act on them or not. To move into adult state from the parent or child position, we have to recognise our emotional state in the first place and then, using rational thought, make a conscious decision to change. The OK-not OK Matrix The underlying message is that you just need to bear witness to their pain and don’t try to fix it.If you’ve ever wanted to write the story of your life - including the messy, difficult parts like divorce, miscarriage, and the loss of identity - this episode is for you. I have benefitted greatly from exploring Devine’s perspective. In my work co-facilitating grief support groups through Hospice of Humboldt, I am always searching for new and better ways to understand the experiences of the people I serve, as well as language with which to help them articulate their experiences. I now open our sessions with a line from Devine’s closing chapter: “I’m so sorry you have need of this place, and I’m so glad you’re here” (235). When I consider myself OK and also frame others as OK, then there is no position for me or you to be inferior or superior.This is, in many ways, the ideal position. Here, the person is comfortable with other people and with themself. They are confident, happy and get on with other people even when there are points of disagreement. The supportive parent state has all the positive parental behaviours: comforting, supporting, holding, making supportive suggestions. Adult State The main goals of Transactional Analysis as a framework are to learn to analyse our relationships with one another in terms of TA and to develop our ability to engage in straight, effective communication with one another on a daily basis. The Ego State Model

Everybody knows the stages of grief. Even if you didn’t go to grad school, I bet you can rattle them off. Thing is - those stages don’t help anyone: not the pros trying to support patients or clients, not the person trying to survive an impossible situation.

Risk of Loss

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to “solve” grief. Megan writes, “Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution.” Through stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must face—in our personal lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the wider world. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, you’ll learn: Maybe I would have entered the office in an arrogant manner. Others could have perceived me as arrogant. Too right. Counterscript is communicated later in life in which Berne (1972 p. 489) defines as: “A possible life plan based on parental precepts.” The Demon is an internal unpredictable impulsive voice in which Berne compares to the concept of Freud’s (1989 [1940]) ‘id’, although the reasoning why is unclear as he never went into detail to explain.

My first thought about the man was an automated one. This means that I might often think similarly without even noticing. In fact, that is sometimes the case. Thoughts like this have the power to create a certain destiny. Which brings us to the topic of life script: This week, the activist, and best-selling author of See No Stranger joins me to talk about love, action, and the power of wonder in the face of impossible things. In It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides—as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner—Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, you’ll learn:On this unabridged audio recording read by the author, Megan offers stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices to guide us through an experience we all must face. With Megan's gentle but direct guidance, you'll learn: The ‘I’m OK, You’re OK’ person gets on with others and may be described as confident and contented within their work, home and life as a whole, mutually respecting others thoughts and opinions, even if they disagree with them. 'I’m OK, You’re not OK' That’s just part of our conversation, and all of it is timely: we discuss what it’s like to live such a public grief, and what it means to find joy - and hope - in an often violent world. Don’t miss it. Whether an “innocent” mention of the stages of grief really matters in a movie or tv show (shout out to Netflix: HMU!) Why everyone has an opinion about how soon is too soon to date, have sex, or otherwise live your life after someone dies

Recently The Washington Post released graphic images, videos, and audio recordings from mass shootings, in a report called “Terror on Repeat.” Should news outlets attempt to push awareness through the use of graphic imagery? If so, do survivor families have the right to refuse to let photos of their friends or family members be released?

Order Acceptance and Confirmation

Eric Berne initiated the principle within Transactional Analysis that we are all born ‘OK’— in other words good and worthy. Frank Ernst developed these into the OK matrix, (also known as the ‘OK Corral’ after the famous 1881 Tombstone shootout between the Earps and the Clantons). These are also known as ‘life positions’. This summary to Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK aims to redefine grief support. It explores the ways society has misunderstood grief, the differences between inevitable pain and unnecessary suffering, the steps to relieve symptoms of stress from grief, and the two-way path to living meaningfully with grief. support people continue to spout off empty encouragement and worn-out platitudes, knowing in their hearts that those words don’t help at all. We all know this, and yet no one says anything. How irrelevant it is to talk about grief as though it were an intellectual exercise, something you can simply use your mind to rise above. The intelligence that arranges words and dictates stages or steps or reasonable behavior is on a wholly different plane than the heart that is newly smashed open. Grief is visceral, not reasonable: the howling at the center of grief is raw and real. It is love in its most wild form. The first part of this book explores our cultural and historical reluctance to feel that wildness. While it won’t change anything inside your loss, hearing your personal experience set against the wider, broken culture can help shift things somehow. The second part of this book is what you can actually do inside your grief—not to make it “better,” but to help you withstand the life you are called to live. Just because you can’t fix grief doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do inside it. When we shift the focus from fixing your pain to simply tending to it, a whole world of support opens up. Validation and frank discussion of the realities of grief makes things different, even when it can’t make things “right.” Part 2 explores some of the most common, and least discussed, aspects of grief, including the mental and physical changes that come with intense loss. There are exercises to help you manage unnecessary or unavoidable stress, improve your sleep, decrease anxiety, deal with intrusive or repetitive images related to your loss, and find tiny windows of calm where things aren’t all better, but they are somewhat easier to carry. In part 3, we explore the often frustrating and occasionally amazing support from friends, family, and acquaintances surrounding you. How is it possible that otherwise intelligent, insightful people have no idea how to truly support you inside Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A sessions: your questions, answered. The San Francisco AIDS Foundation and UCSF house a lot of queer history related to the AIDS epidemic.