Yorkshire Jokes

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A man goes to the beach and sees a woman with no legs and no arms, crying by the shoreline. He asks her what ́s wrong. Eeh, yer reight nesh." – A draft? There's no draft, you're just a big southern softie who can't handle a bit of cold.

OK," said the WM, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii." Be reight." – I'm so desperately sorry to hear of the awful time you're going through, but I have faith and hope that things will sort themselves out. A woman is walking down the street, when she crosses a corner in which a drunk man is leaning. Seeing her, the man screams: you’re one ugly gal! Ok, ok, I was at a friend ́s house and we were watching a Christian film…” The detector beeps. “Fine! It was a p*rn!” Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know. ..."

100 Best Halloween Dad Jokes

A very old and wizened gentleman arrives on the night of the Lodge's monthly meeting and asks to become a Fellowcraft. When advised that he would have to become an Entered Apprentice first, , the old man nods "I was entered as an apprentice in this Lodge 86 years ago." He gives the date and the records are examined. Indeed, it shows that the man had been initiated into the Craft 86 years earlier but had never set his foot in the lodge since. When I’m like a proper Yorkshire pudding loving fella, but I’m missing a bit of ‘gravy’ in my life, care to be mine?”

The next day, another man goes to that same beach and the same woman with no legs and arms is there, crying by the shoreline. He asks her what ́s wrong. The difference between a Masonic ritualist and a middle eastern terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist! I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution. A man gets home after work and finds his girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman. She says, “You ́re being arrested under suspicion of being good in bed”. Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?'

As David Brent

The bartender says, 'They're retired people from Yorkshire. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.' Further Funnies From Yorkshire, England The brethren of the lodge decided that, for a social outing with some physical activity, they would spend a day walking in the mountains. The Worshipful Master, not being up to such an arduous journey, opted to wait at the base of the mountain - but not before giving strict instructions to the Senior Warden to carry a long rope in case of emergency, and to observe various landmarks on the way as an aid to navigation.