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I called them off and went closer. The lad’s eyes were wide with fright and my approach served only to make him redouble his efforts to escape. What all of this translates into is actually strikingly similar to Lewis Carroll’s advice on resolving conflict in correspondence. “If your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly less severe,” Carroll counseled, adding “and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards ‘making up’ the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly.” Carroll was a man of great psychological prescience in many ways, and this particular insight is paralleled by Gottman and Murray’s findings, which Fry summarizes elegantly:
In relationships where both partners consider themselves as happy, bad behavior is dismissed as unusual: “He’s under a lot of stress at the moment,” or “No wonder she’s grumpy, she hasn’t had a lot of sleep lately.” Couples in this enviable state will have a deep-seated positive view of their partner, which is only reinforced by any positive behavior: “These flowers are lovely. He’s always so nice to me,” or “She’s just such a nice person, no wonder she did that.”
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In negative relationships, however, the situation is reversed. Bad behavior is considered the norm: “He’s always like that,” or “Yet again. She’s just showing how selfish she is.” Instead, it’s the positive behavior that is considered unusual: “He’s only showing off because he got a pay raise at work. It won’t last,” or “Typical. She’s doing this because she wants something.
Is there a mathematical formula for love? Applied mathematician Hannah Fry says there are several. Her new book, The Mathematics of Love , features a chapter on each stage of the romantic journey, taking in online dating, chatting people up, going on dates, settling down, getting married and being in a long-term relationship' -- The Independent An impressive first novel. The stories . . . fascinate in Darwin’s ambitious, alluring tale.” - People It’s been a remarkably long time since I sat down and even have begun to think of why or how I would review a book, but here I am. It’s good that I am for this one, too, because this work of Hannah Fry’s is awesome. (I could stop here, but I won’t, as I’ll have to give some evidence as to why this work is awesome. Also, yes, I’m using the word awesome deliberately. I promise.) So far, his surmise is that "respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them. It may differ from culture to culture how to communicate respect, and how to communicate affection, and how not to do it, but I think we'll find that those are universal things". This book was so boring at most points that I had trouble keeping my brain focused enough to follow the slowly plodding plot. I found myself distracted by Dora the Explorer--Dora for pete's sake! If that's not sad, I don't know what is.It is 1819 and Stephen Fairhurst wants only to forget the horrors of Waterloo and remember the great and secret love he lost. But, despite his friendship with the clever Lucy Durward, he cannot tell her about the darkness in his past. We've now gotten to the point where not only can we predict what's going to happen to the relationship, and not only can we intervene to prevent decay of relationships for people who really want to stay together, not only can we help people who really are continually unhappy with one another, to find out why their relationship isn't working, but we're really starting to understand the whole equation of this process, of having close relationships. Historical romance, Gothic tale and Bildungsroman, Darwin's novel ponders its own processes, mesmerised by the "strips of time" that layer one another in a place. The narrative centres on the powerful nostalgia of a house in time, within a landscape that records the passage of generations...ambitious in concept and design. Its canvas is immense... the narrative of photography is electrifying. Darwin creates an imaginative language capable of suggesting the quality of the uncanny present in the humblest snapshot.” - The Independent
Then we are also finding that if we intervene early, and do preventative intervention, our effects are much bigger, and we have an impact not only on the couple, and changing their longitudinal course, in a dramatic way, in not a very long time, but we can also have an impact on the emotional development of their children. We're following those children — we're now studying children whose parents went only to a two-day workshop, and their babies are now turning three years old, and we'll know at the end of this year whether this emotional developmental change continues and the children are in a dramatically different trajectory than kids whose parents didn't take the workshop. Like Harlow and Bowlby, for me the relationship was the unit. And I've looked at emotion and how it's really communicated — and what people are thinking. Showing people their videotapes and finding out what's going on in their minds. Because we don't know. Also I've been influenced by the whole field of psycho-physiology, which also developed in large measure at the University of Wisconsin. I've worked with Bob Levinson, who's a psycho-physiologist and we've put together these influences. Ekman and Levenson and Darwin and psycho-physiology, and the study of the body and the face and voice and emotion in relationships, and just try to understand the naturalistic development of relationships. How do people respond emotionally to one another?El capítulo 6, las matemáticas del sexo, habla de varias encuestas sobre el número de parejas de media que tienen hombres y mujeres, nos presenta la distribución potencial en luegar de la normal (si el número de parejas fuera la estatura, nos cruzaríamos de vez en cuando con gente del tamaño de la torre Eiffel) y nos habla de redes y nodos. The roller coaster of romance is hard to quantify; defining how lovers might feel from a set of simple equations is impossible. But that doesn’t mean that mathematics isn’t a crucial tool for understanding love.
He aquí un libro realmente curioso que llamó mi atención entre los títulos de divulgación científica. El hecho de haber descubierto una serie de libros de TED ya es de por sí muy prometedor, pero la temática de este ejemplar en concreto me atrajo demasiado. El capítulo 8, cómo optimizar vuestra boda, tiene una parte maravillosa sobre cómo estimar el número final de asistentes mediante un Excel y una algoritmo símplex para encontrar la distribución de gente dentro de las mesas que maximice la felicidad de los invitados. muy interesante.
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Emma Darwin, happily, seems able to immerse herself in 19th Century England” ... Both eerie and intriguing. - Australian Financial Review All of which are really great conditions for running away from a predator, or fighting aggressively to protect the tribe. And survival. So when you have less blood in the periphery you create what Malcolm Gladwell calls a bloodless armor that lets you strike without really bleeding too much, or run away without hurting yourself too much. But in the context of a discussion with somebody you love clearly this DPA is not very functional. And we found in fact that physiological arousal is one of the best predictors of what happens to that relationship. That's why it predicts. There are some hopeful signs that interventions will be effective at changing all that. We have done two randomized clinical trials so far and we can reverse almost all of these negative effects on relationships and on babies. Also, at this point in the United States, it seems like we're going through a major sociological shift, and I don't know where it came from. In the last 40 years it seems that men have really changed. Forty years ago men didn't attend the birth of their babies, now 91 percent of men do attend the birth of their babies. That's interesting. But there something else too. What I'm seeing everywhere in the United States, regardless of ethnicity, and race, and culture, and social class, is that men have changed in very dramatic ways. And in a very fundamental way that has to do with existential choice and meaning, men want to be involved in the life of their babies, to be better fathers, and through that, to be better partners, as well. The major commitment is really to the baby. It's a spectacular change. In The Mathematics of Love, Dr. Hannah Fry takes the reader on a fascinating journey through the patterns that define our love lives, applying mathematical formulas to the most common yet complex questions pertaining to love: What’s the chance of finding love? What’s the probability that it will last? How do online dating algorithms work, exactly? Can game theory help us decide who to approach in a bar? At what point in your dating life should you settle down?
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