Rude Stories

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I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.” 5. Caught in the actyear old girl, “Don’t talk to me!” Me, “Why not?” girl, “Because I hate white people.” 7. This from the OWNER of the restaurant. Earlier this year, a friend of mine was getting harassing calls from a man. Apparently, a woman (let’s say her name was Monica) had given him her number when they met at a bar, so this man kept calling and asking for Monica. My friend is not Monica, nor is there a bar by that name anywhere near where she lives. No matter how many times my friend told him he had the wrong number, he refused to believe her. He was determined that she was Monica and that she was just playing hard to get. Eventually, he started getting nasty and made threats.

This man told his girlfriend she's not as hot as Maya Jama — and the internet has opinions The one with the surprise four-way…Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all. When I first got with my partner we were at it all of the time, trying new moves and weren’t afraid of anything!

Relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, told Bored Panda during a previous interview that we should aim to furnish our homes in such a way as to make ourselves truly happy. After all, it’s impossible to impress everyone. However, you can tell a lot about a person by how they behave when they have guests over. On a day she was driving me up a wall I convinced her to wait to open her bottle of Coke because the bottle said there was a winner every five minutes. She was disappointed she didn't win after waiting exactly five minutes. I however enjoyed her sulky silence for the rest of the day. Bored Panda was interested to know how to make guests feel welcome, how to tell if they actually had a good time, and how to urge rude guests who overstayed their welcome to leave, so we reached out to Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin. Jessica is a talented pie artist, knows all about hosting dinners and parties, and is the author of 'Pies Are Awesome.' On The Big Fat Quiz of the Year] “I’ve answered at tedious length. ‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.” – David Mitchell Now that she mentions it, her two sons (I’m guessing around fourteen to fifteen) do seem to be enjoying the view.Mercifully, someone offered her a ride home since she’d walked over. I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my own home due to someone’s well-intended gestures. Meanwhile, @richardbrenton came with not one, but tworecommendations for us! He suggested David O'Doherty's Danger Is Everywhereis a 'good progression' from Horrid Henry and called John Dougherty's Stinkbomb and Ketchup Faceseries a 'delight'. We became really close friends after that happened but it was surely weird. Both the bath tub full of fruit vomit juice and miticulously cleaning my flat the day after. I invited 6 people for Sunday brunch, including an acquaintance “K” who worked in my department. It seemed like a good opportunity to reciprocate and invitation she’d extended within the past few months (a big gathering at her house with her roommates….I stopped by for about an hour, had a delightful time amongst mostly strangers.)

There are any number of unforgivable dinner guest faux-pas, everything from a guest refusing to take off their stiletto heels on your new softwood floors (I’m Canadian and we don’t wear shoes indoors at parties!), or bringing extra guests or kids to a dinner party when they were not invited (no, just no), to refusing to try anything served to them, or haranguing others about their diet choices," Jessica listed just some of the ways that guests can make the host feel bad about inviting them. She’s now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility. She still tries to throw clothes away, citing that she didn’t know they could be washed and reused. Makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college, before she left home. She wore some of the same outfits repeatedly — she had to have known they could be washed. Had a party when I was about 15, more jelly and ice cream than shots and going wild as we were fairly sheltered. Somebody brought along their friend, who looked a similar age to us (quite short) but he was actually 23 at the time. He brought along a bottle of vodka and proceeded to drink 3/4 of it within a couple of hours, we're talking 7pm here. Nobody else at the party was drinking at all, just chilling and playing MTG. He proceeded to ignore the two different bathrooms and went into the kitchen, where my parents were trying to avoid cramping my style, and vomited into the kitchen sink all over the plates, and then left without saying anything or helping to clean up.So being concerned about them both, their parents decided to take them to see a child psychologist. I know how hooked kids get on the Horrid Henry books and I love their enthusiasm!' she says. 'But even Horrid Henry fans need to OCCASIONALLY read something else, and I know they would also adore Steven Butler's The Nothing To See Here Hotel, about a secret holiday resort for magical creatures. 'Henry fans will love the riotous humour, fantastic characters, and spiralling madness as the hotel copes with the arrival of the guest from hell, a goblin prince with a dark secret. It goes without saying that the following contains some strong language, and very adult humour) Some fruity lines from rude comedians: We can be subtle and friendly at first, but if our guests can’t (or won’t!) take the increasingly overt hints, it might be time to (politely) urge them to leave. Turn off the music, start doing the dishes, exaggerate your yawns (you’ve got an early start tomorrow, right?), slap your knees while standing up and say “well…”—do whatever you have to do to get the people who ruined your night out of your home. And may they never darken your doorstep again. Anywho, we set him up on the couch while the party is still raging, and he pulls me aside and asks: "Hey man, what are your magnetics like?"